Project 2 Final

(set: $thetime to "5:30 AM") (set: $playername to "David Hammond") (set: $alarmgoesoff to false) (set: $readytoleave to false) (set: $pickshirt to true) (set: $dreaming to false) (set: $haseggs to true) (set: $baddream to false) [[Begin|Wake up]] //Content warning: This story deals with the topic of assault.//

It's dark when you come to, but the first thing you realyl notice is the cold. It's thick, heavy, damp. After another moment you hear the rain coming from outside. It's cold and ark and damp and you're awake. Groaning, you seek out the unblinking green light that is your clock. The time is 5:30 in the morning. You need a moment to remember who you are. //I'm...// //I'm...// //Goddamnit, I'm fucking tired is what I am.// You are tired, too tired to think clearly. You always are when you wake up this early. After a moment it comes to you. You're David Hammond. //Whatever that means.// You didn't always have to think about it. A red light blinks on your clock. You groan, louder than before. You're alarm is set to go off in five minutes. [[Get up.]] [[Go back to sleep.]]

(if: $alarmgoesoff is false)[ You don't want to get up. ](if: $alarmgoesoff is true)[ The blare of your clock doesn't give you a choice. It's time to get up whether you like it or not. ] (if: $alarmgoesoff is false)[[Go back to sleep.]] (if: $alarmgoesoff is true)[[Climb out of bed.]]

You were having a dream. A good dream. You don't have those often. Already you can't recall what it was, but you know their faces were there. Maybe it will come back if you go back to sleep. If you just close your eyes... and think of them... //Gotta shut the alarm first. Stupid fuckin' thing.// You grope for the clock, and feel three buttons. [[Button One]] [[Button Two]] [[Button Three]]

You press the button. Nothing happens; but you're too groggy to notice, so you turn around, bury your face in your pillow (the cool side) and go back to sleep. (set: $alarmgoesoff to true) [[Dream|Get up.]]

You press the button. The radio starts playing, very loudly. It's tuned to a Spanish station for some reason. (set: $dreaming to true) [[Button One]] [[Button Three]] [[Get up.]]

You press the button. The blinking light stops. Satisfied, you roll back over and bury your head in between the pillows. Your drift off in less than a minute. (if: $dreaming is true)[[Sleep|Game Over.]] (if: $dreaming is false)[[Get up.]]

fs [[Voices and faces are discernible. Something new comes into focus...|Dream on]]

//I don't wanna get out of bed.// You look at the clock again. It's now 5:37 Am. You turn on the light. It's bright, you shudder and look away. It's cold. You have to go to work in four hours. //It's cold.// [[Get dressed.]] [[Eat breakfast.]] [[Shower.]] (if: $readytoleave is true)[[Next|Leave for work.]]

You stretch, then look down at yourself. You're in only the pair of blue boxers you've been wearing for two days. [[Change them]] [[Don't change them]]

[[Cereal,]] [[toast,]] [[or eggs.]]

It's cold. You feel dirty. You feel dirty often these days. //I need a shower.// It's hard to take showers now. You can't stand the feeling of being wet now, not since last October. But at least it's warm. You've had a hard time escaping the cold since last October. But it's still wet, like last October. You don't stay in for long. (set: $pickshirt to false) (if: $haseggs is false)[[Get dressed.]] (if: $haseggs is true)[[Eat breakfast.]]

You're dressed, you showered (you think), and ate breakfast for once (you're actually not sure, but it doesn't matter). You sit on the couch for a moment, thinking. The holiday season is about to come, business is going to get hectic again. The thought of another couple months of running around keeping the shelves stocked while dealing with the customers, the same christmas music playing over and over, makes you feel leaden heavy. Your boss doesn't allow many breaks during this time of year. But commiserrating with the others is fun. And you could use something to occupy your mind right now. It's now been a year. It still feels like it happened yesterday. You thought the memory would dull and fade a bit by now, but everything is still so vivid. //So fucking vivid.// The fact that you keep on dreaming about it, reliving it, doesn't help. You grab your heavy boots. You've got a feeling you're going to be doing alot of walking today. Boots laced, you move for the door. There's a mirror beside it, and you catch a glimpse of yourself. [[And see...|Reflection]]

You want to just say "Fuck it, who cares?" You don't. Mostly. A small pat of you cares, enough to prompt you to change. They're growing stagnant. You have need to keep going forward. Stagnancy is destruction. You bumble to your dresser, pull open the middle drawer. There are only two shirts in it. You haven't done laundry in two weeks. One of them is your favorite, an old //Primal Fear// tee you got at one of their concerts, album art emblazoned on both sides. //That was a good time.// You think as you take it out. You think you'd like to wear it today. (if: $pickshirt is true)[[Put it on]] (if: $pickshirt is false)[[Put it on|Put it on two]]

//Fuck it, who cares.// You bumble to your dresser, pull open the middle drawer. There are only two shirts in it. You haven't done laundry in two weeks. One of them is your favorite, an old //Primal Fear// tee you got at one of their concerts, album art emblazoned on both sides. //That was a good time.// You think as you take it out. You think you'd like to wear it today. (if: $pickshirt is true)[[Put it on]] (if: $pickshirt is false)[[Put it on|Put it on two]]

You haven't worn it in some time, but it still fits. That's reassuring, though you can't say for why. [[Eat breakfast.]] [[Leave for work.]]

You start to pull it over you head, and suddenly you're not in your room in anymore. You're in //that// room. It's not 5:30 whatevr in the morning anymore. It's not raining anymore. It's still cold. A scream simmers at the back of your throat as you thorw the shirt off. In a blind panic to fling it across your room. It knocks the shade from your bedlamp. You're breathing rapidly, almost as rapidly as you're heart's beating. You crumple to the floor. //I should have known. I should have remembered. No fucking wonder why my favorite shirt is at the bottom of my drawers.// [[You pick the other shirt, a plain blue tee.|Eat breakfast.]] [[You consider eating breakfast, but decide you're not hungry. You don't get hungry much anymore in the morning ever since you stopped eating breakfast.|Leave for work.]]

You want eggs. Fried eggs, with cheese and chopped peppers. But you can't be bothered to cook the eggs. (set: $haseggs to false) (if: $haseggs is false)[[You haven't cooked anything since last year.|toast,]]

(if: $haseggs is false)[You want eggs. Fried eggs, with cheese and chopped peppers. But you can't be bothered to cook the eggs. You haven't cooked anything since last year. You don't have any peppers. Or eggs. ] (if: $haseggs is false)[[You don't have any butter or jam either.|or eggs.]] (if: $haseggs is true)[You make three slices of toast, but as you're in the middle of spreading the jam over them you stop. You're still as death as you stare blankly down at the orange apricot spread.] (if: $haseggs is true)[[You've lost your appetite. You decide to just get dressed and leave.|Get dressed.]] (if: $haseggs is true)[[But maybe a shower first|Shower.]] (if: $haseggs is true)[//Wait a minute...// You look down at yourself. You're already dressed. You barely remember doing that.] (if: $haseggs is true)[[//I guess I'll get going.//|Leave for work.]]

(if: $haseggs is false)[You want eggs. Fried eggs, with cheese and chopped peppers. But you can't be bothered to cook the eggs. You haven't cooked anything since last year. You don't have any peppers. Or eggs. You don't have any butter or jam either.] (if: $haseggs is false)[[Cereal it is then.|Cereal two]] (if: $haseggs is true)[You make the eggs. Unfortunately you don't have any peppers to go with it, and only one slice of cheese. You do have salt though. //Better than nothing.//] (if: $haseggs is true)[[Leave for work.]]

Your corn flakes are stale, and you're milk is a day pat its sell-by date. But it's all you got. //Better than nothing. At least I'm eating breakfast for once.// [[Shower.]] [[Get dressed.]] [[Leave for work.]]

David Hammond. You. You have blue eyes. They were sharp once, now they look dull, foggy. You've not shaved in a while. Your beard (to be generous about it) is coming in patchy and scraggly. It curls, as does the mop of borwn hair on your head that reaches past your ears. You haven't cut it in a long time, but you're not sure how long. You prefer to keep it short, and your face clean-shaven. Your glasses are smudged. You recognize yourself, but at the same time youd don't. This isn't the you you see yourself as. But you haven't been that person for some time. Not for a year now. For now this is who you are. Unfortunately you can't change that anymore than you can change the past. All that there is to do is just carry on, like you've been doing. Every morning has been like this, this one isn't any different. [[Carry on.|Leave]]

Fin.

The music is loud, and the people around you louder. Sitting at the end of the third story hallway, you have to shout to make yourself heard. "Y'know, I was convinced I had ADHD back in fifth grade." Izzy giggles and takes a swig from her cup. Adrian raises his eyebrows and grins. "Nah, I don't know." he says. "Yeah, yeah, so like I read a book about it from the school library one day, right? And I'm just like, 'That's me!' and so it was stuck in my head. Wouldn't shut up about it, and practically demanded to my folks I get tested for it." "And?" Izzy asks. "Tested negative." "Yay!" she raises her cup, beer sloshes out. "Good for you." Adrian says. "Yeah. Course, next thing was autism. But my mom wasn't having that." Izzy laughs. Adrian rolls his eyes. A group of guys pass between the three of you, smelling of weed. You're certain thy by now no one in the manor is sober. You lost count of how many screwdrivers you had. "Aight I gotta pee." You say suddenly, jumping to your feet. "Be right back." You traipse down the hallway, only to find the bathroom on this floor occupied. You're pretty sure you hear people giggling on the other side of the door. It's pretty crowded downstairs, you're certain there's at least a hundred or so people here tonight. You don't really feel like wading through a sea of people right now. You don't care for crowded or cramped spaces. [[Maybe I'll just hold it.]] [[Venture forth anyway.]]

You can't. Well, you probably could. You definitely should. [[You start down the stairs, vaguely aware of what you're doing, vaguely in control of yourself.|Venture forth anyway.]]

(set: $baddream to true) You stumble a bit on the stairs, and don't think to grip the railing. //Who makes swirly stairs? Who thought that was a good idea?// You ask yourself, chuckling. You don't feel that different than you normally do; being drunk hass so far been a let down. So your tell yourself. Eventually, you get to the bottom. The music is much, much louder on the ground floor, and people are //everywhere.// The lights are dim, and the smell of alcohol is considerably more potent. //Wait a sec, there's three floors here. Why'd I come down here?// [[Try the middle floor.]] [[Fuck it.|Search the ground floor for the bathroom.]]

(set: $baddream to false) As it happened, the two bathrooms on the middle floor were both unoccupied. But you never went to find out. Maybe if you had... You hang on the railing at the bottom step. Something, some compulsion of sorts, is telling you to go back up. //Don't!// A voice in your head says. Or maybe that's someone at the party. You can't be sure. You get the feeling you should listen. //But I'm already down here so...// [[So you wade into the sea of the party.|Search the ground floor for the bathroom.]] (if: $baddream is false)[[You're hear something...|Get up.]]

//This isn't so bad.// You think as you push your way through the house, only vaguely sure of where you're going. //Better than sitting in my room alone again.// This is part of the college experience, you suppose. You may be uncomfortable, but that's part of hte point of why you're here. When you came to the uni, you made a vow that you'd turn a new leaf. You'd be outgoing, you'd join clubs, you'd make friends and bitch about professors together and go to parties and not eat lunch by yourself anymore. And you did. It wasn't easy, but the fact that you're here now is testament to your efforts. You've made a 180 from high school. The only thing left missing is a girlfriend. Or boyfriend; discovering yourself was part of your metamorphosis into, if not a //cool person// per say, a normal person. [[In fact, that's really why you're here.|Sophia]] [[Keep on searching.]]

You met her in Philosophy 301. Her blue eyes were the first thing you noticed abotu her. They're just like yours, sharp and captivating. And the cardigan she wore and her nail polish matched them perfectly. The first thing you said to her was complimenting her on the color coorodination, when you ran into her outside of class. She beamed at you. You felt so smooth. You almost said no when she asked you if you wanted to get lunch. You don't know how to talk to girls, you thought. You only recently got the hang of chatting with other guys at your last semester at community college. But you pushed yourself. Bitching about philosophy class was your strategy, you had your own furstration with the professor, and the grumbling you'd hear at the end of each class suggested so did everyone else. Thankfully she did, and she did most of the talking too. She has the most charming laugh, and a smile that quickly made you smitten evne though you told yourself you would stop getting infatuated over every girl that smiled at you. Old habits die hard. What happened next was extremely daring, a big risk. You gave her your number. You wer certain you'd always be too nervous to ask a girl for their number, you're terrified of coming off as creepy. But if you give them //your// number, that gives them an out in case you misread things, which you were sure you were bound to do. A genius plan. [[You didn't misread with Sophia.|Keep on searching.]]

You didn't care much for large gatherings like this. But Sophia convinced you to come out tonight. She insisted. And you wanted to push yourself. You stumble upon a line by a door. One girl standing in it shifts anxiously back and forth on her feet. //Must be the place.// You don't want to wait in this line though. (if: $baddream is false) [Maybe try](if: $baddream is false)[[another floor|Try the middle floor.]] (if: $baddream is true) [No other option occuring to you, you get in line. You think of trying to start a conversation with the guy in front of you. He's got a friendly face. You try to think of something to say, something open with that won't make you sound awkward or weird. But after a few minutes of thinking, the guy pulls out his phone. You sigh, then pull out yours as you wait your turn.] (if: $baddream is true) [[You hear something...|Get up.]] (if: $baddream is false) [After a seemingly interminable wait you can finally relieve yourself. There's a strange smelling incense inthe bathroom. It turned out it was in all the bathrooms. You'll never figure out what the smell is exactly, but it will linger with you. (if: $baddream is false)[[It smells like something Sophia would like|Sophia Two]]

One day, after a few weeks, Sophia asked if you wanted to hang out with her at the mall on the weekend. You didn't think people your age actually did that since the '90s. You said yes without hesitation. You met her there. She was wearing a skirt that showed off her legs. She definitely noticed that you noticed; you made little effort to hide it, hard to when she was maybe the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. Perhaps that hyperbolic, but you certainyl didn't think so. Still unsure of yourself and very, very nervous, you were perfectly content to let her take the lead. You went with her into to just about every "girly" store. She was a "girly" girl (her words) and she took no shame in that, she wore it proud and defiant. The confidence amazed you, who felt embarassed admitting to any of your interests. The clothing stores all blend together in your memory, save for one. You and her walked past a mannequin in lingerie, she jested that you should buy it. You laughed and responded with asking if she wanted to see you in that. She stopped dead in her tracks, spun on her heels, and looked you square in the eyes, blue to blue. There was hardly any space between the two of you. "Maybe." she said. She didn't sound like she was joking then. [[It was like the breath was sucked right out of your lungs.]]

The next place she took you to, hand in hand, was some boutique bath shop you never heard of with a name you couldn't pronounce. The smell of crafted soaps assaulted your nose within seconds of walking in. She loved those soaps and all their smells; orange and mint and mango and lemon. You learned what a bath bomb is. You two spent the whole day together. One the nicest you ever had in all your 20 years. [[You wish that...]]

"David!" You turn. You were heading back up the stairs when you hear her voice. Then suddenly she's there, grabbing your arm. Sophia. Your heart flutters. "There you are!" She smiles. "I've been looking all night for you." "Oh, uh, me too. Looking for you, I mean!" //Smooth.// Come on outside." She says. Before you can respond she's pulling you through the throngs of partiers. Through the dimness and the crowd can notice she's wearing that skirt. She leads out into the house's backyard. There's a pool there, even though it's late October, and people jumping in and out. "It's beautiful tnoight isn't it?" Sophia says, looking to the sky. "Yeah, yeah, sure is." you reply. It's partially cloudly, though the moon shines uninhibited. It's a bit chilly. But these are the best nights to you, so in a way it is beautiful. Suddenly, confidence, or drunkenness, takes hold of you. "Not as beautiful as you though." you say to her, shouting over the din of music and chatter and splashing. Now your heart stops. You can't believe you actually just said that. You're an aspiring writer after all, you should be able to think of a more original line. But that matter takes second seat to the action itself. You gape, wide-eyed and horrorstruck. "Um..." [[Your words, or lack thereof, die in your throat. Sophia's beaming smile is silencing.]]

Suddenly, she pulls you close, taking your other hand. "You mean that?" She says into your ear. Her breath tingles on your neck. "Um..." //Too late now.// "Yes. I do." You say with all the grim solemnity of sentencing someone to death. She giggles, and then presses herself against you. Before you even realize what's happening, she locks her lips to yours. You'll never forget that feeling. [[Never.]] [[It makes something in you stir...|Get up.]]

Her hands run up and down your back, your neck. She tugs at your shirt. You feel like you're on fire, but in a good way. "David..." she whispers. "I want you." If it was hard to string words together a moment ago, it's impossible now. "Sophie, I-" She touches a finger to your mouth "Wait, don't say anything. Don't even think." She guides you a few steps forward, to the edge of the pool. "Just dive in." She says, [[and then you're falling into the pool face first.]]

The water is frigid, at first. Soon it feels warm, and then like nothing at all. As a matter of fact you're barely aware that you're submerged, and sinking. //Wait a minute, wasn't I just...// There are lights down in the pool, bright yellow things. You stare at one as though it's the most interesting thing in the world. You forget what you just doing, and about Sophia, in that moment. You underestimated how drunk you were. Sometimes, you think about if you had drowned. If those guys you didn't even know hadn't pulled you out of the water. "Oh my god, David! are you okay?" Sophia's kneeling above you. When you try to answer her you cough up water. The chlorine burns your throat. It's hard to breath. Next thing you know you're being lifted up, hefted by two guys whose faces you can't see. "Take him inside." Someone says. "Down to the [[basement]], we got fresh towels fown, and a couch he can rest on 'til he dries out." Sophia follows you.

It'a dark in the basement. The guys carrying you set you down on the couch while Sophia finds the towels. "You good, man?" One guy asks. "I've got him." Sophia says, coming forward with an armful of fluffy cloth. "He's mine, let me worry about him. You guys go back up. Thanks for the help." They give her a quick look and a nod but don't linger, and then you're alone, the two of you. Sophia sets to work immediately, dabbing and pressing at you with the towels. They're nice and warm. "Are you sure you're alright?" She asks after a time. "Yeah, yeah..." You say, weakly. Now that you've had time to process it, you're shaken. "Good. Thank god." She squeezes your hand. "I was so worried." "Don't worry. You don't gotta-" You try to sit up and stand, but your legs are wobbly. She pushes you back down. "Don't even think about it mister! You need to stay put." Her tone makes it clear there'll be no arguing, not that you would with her. "Are you cold?" She asks, touching a hand to your cheek. "Kinda, not rea-" But befoe you can finish she's lying on top of you. "Do you feel well enough, to maybe continue where we left off?" [[Do you?]]

Even in this state you can infer what she means. You always thought you'd say yes if you ever found yourself in this situation. But... You're not ready. You're just not. It's hard to admit that to yourself as a guy, let alone to others. "Uh..." You start, but then trail away when you feel her fumbling with your belt. "I know how you feel." She says. "I feel the same way. I want you, David, you don't have to think about it so hard." "Well, I-" Your belt come undone. Her hands move under your pants. "You feel cold." She says, then flattens herself against you. "I want to help you warm up." //No, this isn't right.// "Sophia, s-" But she kisses you silent. "It's okay. Relax. [[I know how you feel...]]"

She lays with you there until morning. She's wrapped around you, her head agaisnt your chest. At some point in the night she found a blanket big enough for the two of you. "You're amazing." She says, running a hand over your chest. "What does your shirt say?" "Primal Fear."